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Silas O’Creamy is a fictional philosopher hosted by a very real translator who enjoys making metaphysics laugh at itself. Any resemblance to actual ontologists, living or dead, is purely coincidental — though probably inevitable.

The author, a very real translator with an affection for philosophical absurdity, hereby reserves the right to publish, republish, misplace, annotate, exaggerate, or otherwise enjoy this text in any medium he pleases. Silas, being a gentleman of leisure, approves wholeheartedly.